It was officially too much when Mike Bloomberg followed me to the barber shop. I mean the glossy mailer had already come to the house. And the constant TV ads long ago became a disorienting seige barrage … to the point I’m seeing perpetually joyless Mike Bloomberg in gaudy cruise wear strolling the Captain’s Deck as Grace Slick roars on about those worthless pills that Mother gives you. But at the barber? (Excuse me, “bespoke artisanal hair stylists”.) Where the tattooed fashionistas clip and trim to cheesy pop and classic rock? A Bloomberg radio ad? After a Lizzo song?
Too much.
But maybe it’s because I personally can’t imagine a less plausible character as the 2020 Democratic nominee. (Ok, maybe Marianne Williamson, or Kid Rock.) But come on! Yet another New York billionaire? A former Republican? Who gushed over George friggin’ W. Bush only 16 years ago? Who unconstitutionally “stopped and frisked” five million black and Hispanic guys? A dude with the quintessential “Yes, boss” mentality and corresponding lack of people skills? And a guy who, you just know, has a closet with a hundred more wince-inducing clips like the one kicking around today, which he has very unsuccessfully (and unwisely) tried to suppress?
For me, Bloomberg 2020 is the Democratic equivalent of the weird crush Republicans get on bizarre “outsiders” like Fred Thompson, Herman Cain, Alan Keyes and Ron Paul. The problem with that analogy is that New York fake billionaire Donald Trump was once one of those weird crushes and he won. Therefore, the thinking goes, don’t scoff at Bloomberg! He could save us!
Please. Bloomberg may be setting a new campaign tech precedent with his gargantuan media buys, and some of the ads he’s put out vivisecting Trump are exactly the kind of “put an end to the vulgarity” messaging Democrats should be hitting the public with. But a bit like Pete Buttigieg, a majority of the Democratic-inclined public has no idea who he really is. “He used to be mayor of New York. Letterman made a lot of jokes about him. I went to New York once. Had a drink in Times Square. Rode the Staten Island Ferry. Noisy place. And expensive! But, you know, we didn’t get mugged.”
It may be possible to run a mostly-all media campaign these days. But the twist in that notion is that it’s still show biz. You still have to sell a personality. A human being people can trust and relate to … on some level. Which means Bloomberg the Billionaire Boss is going to have to press some flesh somewhere and start doing a lot more impertinent media interviews than he’s done, all of which will be asking about “stop and frisk”, smooching George W. and trying to suppress embarrassing video clips … where he was simply showing who he really is.
Bloomberg will have his 2020 debutante moment at the next Democratic debate, and baby-oh-baby is Bernie Sanders going to be happy to see him. Few things strengthen Bernie’s claim to the Democratic mantle more than the possibility some stone-faced corporate titan, (“a billion-nayah!”) is the alternative to him atop the ticket this year.
Pundits are warning of the ultimate Democratic blood bath if by some infectious virus Sanders and Bloomberg are the two choices left standing after Super Tuesday. And it isn’t hard to imagine how the “Bernie bros” will respond to being blown out of the nomination by a half a billion dollar check from one guy.
“Just win, baby.”
These days I’m channeling Al Davis, the owner of the Oakland Raiders who is probably well into his second decade in The Not-Good Place (my nod to being culturally relevant…though I’ve never seen the show). I will put out for Mike, Bernie, Pete, Amy, Joe or a player to be named later if they can beat Fatboy.
This is what I think 45 percent of the country is thinking right now:
“I DON’T GIVE A SHIT…JUST GIVE US A NOMINEE THAT’LL GET US TO 50 PERCENT PLUS ONE.”
Surprisingly, though, I’m pretty Zen about the whole thing (all-caps notwithstanding); we know who Trump is, what he is and what he’ll do. No “growing into it,” no “being Presidential.” No batshit Susan Collins quavering about having learned his lesson. If he’s re-elected it’s because this is what America wants. If that’s the case, we can put a pin on 2020 as the year the American experiment reached its conclusion.
Before you put out, please assure us you’ll have the self-respect to demand Mike B. buy you a fine dinner with at least one bottle of Château Cheval Blanc 1947
Jon, I wish it were just as easy as “If you want to win, pick the guy who will win,” which is what both progressives and moderates are screaming at each other right now. The reality is, ten months out, we don’t know the “who will win” is in that discussion.
If we nominate a moderate like Bloomberg to woo moderates, we could easily have millions of progressives, particularly Bernie Bros, staying home or voting third party. If we nominate a progressive like Bernie to woo young people and the far left, we could easily have millions of moderates plugging their nose and voting Trump because socialistphobia. I just don’t know how those two things net out.
What you said, Joe.
Can we still “triangulate” in the era of social media and purity-above-all politics? I’m hoping the answer is yes, but the reality is I don’t know.
I ask because you’re absolutely right…we need a candidate that will motivate:
Moderates
Liberals
Young people
Minorities
Women
And everyone else who isn’t the 45 percent Trump is assured of getting. I don’t see that candidate yet. And he/she may not exist. I submit, however, that whether he/she does exist is irrelevant because the issue is not the candidate, it’s the electorate. Or, as Pogo would have put it, we have met the enemy and they are us.
I say that because this election is not about finding the perfect candidate to beat Donald Trump, it’s about whether we, the people, still have it in us to come together for the common good. If the Bernie Bros stay home because their hero isn’t the nominee, we lose. If minority turnout is uninspired because Klobuchar has a spotty record on prosecuting people of color, we lose. If moderates like me don’t support Sanders – and not a grit-your-teeth, lesser-of-two-evils weak-assed support – we lose. And if we lose – if we the people can’t come together to reject the Trump administration – then the American experiment is over and we’re just another thug country with a better selection of consumer goods than most.
My point is that whoever the nominee is, some groups are going to have to suck it up and go all-in even in disappointment. Anything less than a total effort – on the part of the 45 percent of us who consider Mr. Trump a clear and present danger AND WE LOSE.
So…my friends, there’s my thinking. Whoever comes out of the Democratic process will get my full and unfettered support. I will sleep with any of them and I will make Meg Ryan look restrained in demonstrating my enthusiasm for the sandwich (garbled, but you get it). I don’t care if I’m putting out for a Bloomberg plutocracy, a Sanders politboro or a Klobuchar coffee klatch.
“Just win, baby” isn’t pointed at the candidates, it’s meant for us.
Well, who doesn’t love a date that rolls with the action? I don’t disagree about getting full-square behind whoever comes out of this, or the complaint that none of them have, say, Obama’s movie star charisma. But beyond what people like us think — smug elitists who follow this shit — there’s that critical slice of largely indifferent folks AND the super big money tycoon class, (people who simply want more stable, predictable markets and an administration that does enough homework to understand their business structure). I think both of those crowds want to here a real world vision of the next four years, and not one where magically Mitch McConnell, a majority GOP Senate and a dozen or so “moderate” Democrats evaporate into thin air and therefore don’t shoot a “Medicare for All” plan dead on first sight. Put another way, I’d like to hear Bernie explain exactly how you un-wind UnitedHealth.
I LOVE Marianne Williamson!
And what I love about Bloomberg is that he gets how powerful video can be, and how expensive good video is. He can do more damage to Trump than anyone else… and the Dems will never pick him. I love it that he here.
Bloomberg understands value of video. Right. So why the hell don’t Steyer and Bloomberg pool their resources and set up a fair and balanced alternative to Fox the propaganda dragon? Clinton was intimidated or faked out of reinstating the Fairness Doctrine when he had a chance.
And since then, it’s Fox (Murdoch) and Limbaugh & his sty-mates who frame what passes for political discussion in the USA.
Bloomberg is no Jack Kennedy. He’s not even a Joe Kennedy. Come on, don’t forget one of the oldest story lines of all—the Trojan Horse. (Which would seem to apply pretty well to Trump, but now there’s a SECOND one . . . a plot twist that would have challenged Homer OR Shakespeare.
And there’s no excuse at all for anyone NOT in the Fox Box to go around branding Bernie with the “politburo” smear. Bernie’s more like Paul Wellstone than any other figure in our recent political maelstrom.