Gun Barrel City, TX — Tea Party activists announced today a sweeping proposal to reform America’s much criticized Electoral College presidential section process.
“When you look at a 2012 election map that reports results by county, it’s clear who really won the presidential election,” said Bud Remington, President of Tea Party Battalion. “Don’t get confused by the junk science pushed by the east coast liberal elite, because anyone with common sense can tell by a glance of the map that the election was stolen in a treasonous act.”
In recent years, Republicans and Tea Party supporters have embraced several ideas for reforming elections, including requiring photo identification at polling places and placing limits on early voting. Most recently, Republicans have been working to selectively alter the Electoral College rules in Michigan, Pennsylvania, and other states.
But at a news conference covered live by the Excellence in Broadcasting (EIB) Network and Fox News, Tea Party Battallion leaders in tri-corner hats stressed that their latest election reform idea gets to the very core of the nation’s electoral dysfunction, discrimination against Americans who live in sparsely populated parts of the country.
Under the proposal, the current Electoral College system for electing Presidents would be abolished. In it’s place would be a new system in which one Electoral College vote would be awarded for the majority vote winner in each of the nation’s 3,531,820 square miles. The first candidate to win in excess of 50 percent of the vote in a majority of the 3,531,820 Electoral College Square Mile Districts would win the presidency.
“It’s simple and fair, the way the Founding Fathers would have wanted it,” said Remington. “Whether you’re in New York City or Gun Barrel City, every square mile of this great nation of ours deserves to be treated equally, from sea to shining sea.”
Proponents of the reform say it addresses the problem of density-based discrimination in elections, where urban voters are granted elite status over voters in sparsely populated rural and exurban areas.
The sweeping reform would make states like Ohio, with just 40,858 square miles, significantly less politically important to presidential candidates than it is today. Meanwhile, states like Alaska, with 570,665 square miles, and Texas, with 261,266 square miles, would immediately become “must win” states for any presidential aspirant.
“I think some may support the idea,” said Ann Morfus, professor of political science at the University of Minnesota. “On the other hand, others may oppose it.”
Tea Party leaders rejected proposals being put forward by National Popular Vote and over 2,100 state legislators that would guarantee that the presidential candidate with the most votes would win the election. Remington says that approach is discriminatory against Americans living in areas without many voters.
“Why should anyone be discriminated against simply because they are density challenged,” said Remington, who also announced his group is staging a 100-stop national bus tour to promote the proposal. “This is the civil rights issue for our times.”
Note: This post is satire, and not, to the best of our knowledge, an actual proposal from the Tea Party. Yet.
Note: This post was also featured in Politics in Minnesota’s “Best of the Blogs” feature.
I won’t lie – you had me until the end. Perhaps that’s a sign of how little I think of Tea party types. But then again, in the days after November 6 Andy Parrish basically made this same argument, arguing that most of Minnesota’s counties voted for the marriage amendment (as if acres – not people – should have suffrage). Reality has become satire.
Great piece.
Re: “Reality has become satire”
I know, I hate to give them any ideas.
Has bud Remington shot himself in the head? In case his white angry mind has forgotten, our Constitution indicates one-man-one-one-vote. This is more of his prejudiced mind supplanting common sense.