Prepare for more State Fair pig coverage. I guarantee, you have not heard the last of the coverage of the swine flu threat at the State Fair. Why?
10. Because anything that happens in Falcon Heights, Minnesota in the second half of August gets ten times more news coverage than it deserves, and this actually deserves coverage.
9. Because there are a lot of cutesy segues that news anchors will adore. “Well, Frank, I hope you washed your hands after that Deep Fried Truffled Pigs Foot, because…” “Well, Dr. Osterholm, to me this Swine Lard Mud Puppy Pickle they just brought me is to-die-for, and well worth risking a bloody worldwide pandemic…”
8. Because attention-starved politicians stalking voters at the State Fair are always in search of a new over-the-top attention-seeking metaphor: “Governor Dayton’s health reform proposal reminds me of that old swine barn across the street – bloated, smelly, full of abject filth, and sure to be a mass murderer of young innocents.” Score!
7. Because try as we may, it’s unlikely that we can convince pigs to wash their little swine hands well enough to make the threat go away anytime soon.
6. Because Minnesotans have officially run out of lame “on-a-stick” jokes, and desperately need new material: “H3N2 on a Stick, anyone?” Bahahahahahaha.
5. Because let’s face it, those royal blue corduroy Future Farmer’s of America (FFA) hazmat suits and matching gas masks are The Bomb.
4. Because, duh, MINNESOTANS MUST SEE PIGS AT THE FAIR. After all, citizens living in a state that is home to 7.1 million hogs likely will never have another chance to lay their eyes on one of these exotic creatures.
3. Because anything Dr. Doom, University of Minnesota epidemiologist Mike Osterholm, says is, ipso facto, leading the news. If it bleeds, it leads.
2. Because to traditionalists, it is OUTRAGEOUS POLITICAL CORRECTNESS, that ANYONE would dare to change ANYTHING at the State Fair, even if the status quo risks the survival of our species.
1. Because it is an absolutely legitimate question: If there is even a slight chance that pigs might give humans a deadly disease, why would we invite pigs to snuggle up with 1.77 million pig flu hosts?
Welcome to the Great Minnesota Squeal-Together.